Today she spent time looking up at the heavens not because she had nothing to do, but because she was restless and uneasy. She had the habit of looking up at the heavens when happy or sad, but today the sky was filled with gray clouds making her heart all the heavier. These are the words of a woman writing in a diocesan bulletin; many of us at times have the same feeling and look for ways to find peace.
There is in one part of her heart, she writes, a scar that gently pierced her self-respect. Her body and spirit both are uncomfortable with what is happening. She is doing her best to get rid of the feeling of uneasiness. All her efforts did not help and she remained restless and she knew she was looking for some joy in her life. She was looking for something that would change her and the wise words of a famous Buddhist monk who wrote about the life of 'non-possession' came to mind.
"An empty mind is the absence of worldly desire.This emptiness is what it was originally.When the mind is filled it is not the original mind.When it is empty, we hear vibrations.Vibrations are needed for the freshness and vitality of life"
She doesn't understand deeply the words of the monk, but she knows that she has too much of the self-harboring inside. This is what is dirtying her spirit and makes her despondent. When she is fighting with her self-respect, she feels she is getting smaller and is meeting obstacles on her way to God,making her feel shabby and embarrassed.
She is working to bring about a change in the way she thinks and wants to clean out her mind. The hope for change makes for a lightness of heart and energy to continue.From the many fairy tales, she has heard she knows that happiness comes with getting rid of what we think is important and is not. The paradox of losing to gain, of dying to live, of losing ourselves to find ourselves. With this change in the person we see appearance of joy and freedom.
When we are in control and allow thoughts to enter there is no problem, but when the mind is not trained and allows negative thoughts, we will often be overcome.
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